Okay, I know you have learned your lesson about southern ticks .... but I should warn you in advance of southern honkey tonk women before you come back here ... a particularly virolent female version of the southern bubba lounge lizard. You have been to the woods ... now you want to chance the honkey tonks?!!

Unlike ticks, these gals are after your Southern Comfort ... if you don't have some of that to give them, or pour over them, then they will look to lift your wallet or car keys ... or sell you a membership in Bubba's BBQ For Life Club.

You should happen to notice that the parking lot attendant at the local Honkey Tonk Dive has a name tag stilched on his shirt that says, "Bubba" ... and that his uniform (since it -- the night and uniform -- is dark and smelly), looks much like a grease monkey's, rather than a parking lot attendant's. This information remembered might help when the police question you later in the night.

Notice the "Redman drool" and the "white lightning breath" ... no? Well, this is Mr. Common-law, Honkey Tonk Woman's craftier-half. She means it when she dubbed him with not spouse on her belly ... but with "Bubba is Better Soused!" ... yep. Uh-huh ... that is not a tattoo typo. Oh, you know souse? ... piggy-parts rejected by hotdog makers .... ummmmmm ummmmm, good stuff.

By the way, did you pay attention to the sign that said, "Self Parking" ... or that the parking was actually in the far-end of a national chain store's lot? ... most folks don't. The "attendant" usually has a "slim-jim" on him when frisked.

Like the bloodsuckers you dealt with last time you were here in the woods , these lounge sucker babesiosises don't and won't make ya have fond memories of them. No matter what they might promise you while they are figuring out the location of your assets. That smelly, drooling, slim-jim toting guy in the parking lot is the man of their dreams.

You get to see me act protective and possessive this time. It is a girl-thing aimed at these aggressive gals. Posturing, just short of hissing and scratching. The spray of choice will be Mace this time, instead of Deep Woods Off.